The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing. . . not healing, not curing. . . that is a friend who cares.”
Henri Nouwen
Good Friday must be a day that confuses non-Christians (and probably plenty of Christians too). Commemorating death? What craziness is that? But it’s not crazy; it’s reality. Nature is full of the cycle of death and resurrection. New life blossoms forth from the ashes of death.
Good Friday addresses the confusion and discomfort that accompanies loss and grief. While it’s a constant reality always, this kind of death is especially real for so many in the wake of COVID-19. Loss of life, loss of jobs, loss of financial stability, loss of companionship to help manage the stressors. And then we add the confusion about when any of that will change. This is truly a painful time.
The Little Children Will Lead Us
During his ministry, Jesus told us to become as little children for a very good reason. Before children learn differently, they have a wonderful ability to be fully present to every moment. And even from infancy, children have empathy. Before they learn to hide or tamp down emotions, children simply experience them. They don’t worry about the past or future but awaken each day ready to take on whatever it holds.
A number of years ago, I heard a touching story of a little boy whose mother observed him on the neighbor’s porch sitting with the man whose wife had recently died. The boy and the man were sitting together rocking on the porch swing. After a time, the boy climbed down and came home. The mother asked the boy what he and the neighbor talked about and the little boy said, “Oh nothing. I just helped him cry.” Then he scampered off to play. Kids are in the moment at all times.
The intensity of the emotions stirred up by loss and grief can sometimes be overwhelming, yet we turn away from them at our emotional and spiritual peril. Perhaps that is one of the greatest lessons of the cross and Good Friday.
Friends Who Care
Jesus’ disciples were scared and confused when he was arrested and most of them ran away. Only three women, and one disciple remained present to witness Jesus’ grief and to be fully present and immersed in their own.
Those who remained weren’t holier or more committed than the others. They simply were able to remain present and experience all their emotions. They didn’t wallow in them but they did experience them fully. And as circumstances changed, so did their emotions. Three days later they experienced their joy with the same intensity as they experienced their sorrow.
Our humanity calls us to be fully present to every experience life offers. Our faith calls us to be friends who care, as Nouwen said, to those who suffer.
And as we do, we will embrace death and resurrection not just as part of nature but as part us and part of life.
Let us pray…